


Look at Their Works, and Despair

by anarchycox



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, F/M, being there for each other, but going forward anyways, fight to the end, knowing there is little hope, quiet conversations, side by side, when good guys go bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8917231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: S.H.I.E.L.D is broken and almost at its end, only a few left really to keep fighting. But they are the last line of defense for humanity, and they will hold that line as long as they can, fighting against the Avengers as long as they can.The world is at an end, but there is always time for love.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tessdebelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessdebelle/gifts).



> This was written for the Philinda Secret Santa exchange, and I sincerely hope that it is enjoyed. My thanks to olor-et-luna and willbakefordean for their eyes in making sure this story worked.

The alarm sounding out woke him up. Only the alarm wasn’t ringing, it was the silence that woke him. He had just gotten used to the sounds of danger, quiet unsettled him and he manufactured the sound of terror in his sleep. Phil remembered before when he had to be alert in an instant, and in theory it shouldn’t be different.

It was.

He looked at the clock 2am. 4 hours sleep, better than many nights. Who knew, maybe he’d even get another one or two in. But it wouldn’t happen soon. He could go to the kitchen in his pajamas, but he had learned that if you were awake you should be ready for battle. Phil went to his closet and looked at the three suits he had left and grabbed the tactical gear. Nostalgia would get him killed, no matter how he missed the suits.

At least in their current bunker he didn’t wear a bulletproof vest. It wasn’t much, but it was something. He left the room not quite armed to the teeth.

The halls were quiet, skeleton guard patrolling, and it was easy for him to avoid them. He went to the kitchen and put on the kettle. He looked at the box of Twinings and should just grab it, a quick cup, but he just needed something else tonight. 

Phil reached up onto May’s shelf in the cupboard. He pulled down the cast iron tea pot and rinsed it and filled it with hot water to warm. His fingers trailed over the small wooden boxes, the rare treasures that were getting harder to come by.

“The third one.” May said from a few feet away. “Low caffeine, and has a taste you’ll like.” She came over and pulled out a stool. “Three scoops into the strainer.”

Phil poured out the warming water and followed her instructions. He adding the boiling water and the kitchen was filled with the scent of tea leaves, hints of citrus and wood filling the room. They stayed silent and Phil pulled down two cups and put them on the counter. He poured out and sat beside Melinda.

“It’s been quiet for a while.”

“I know.” Phil agreed. “That just means something will hit soon.”

“Tony’s armor was pretty damaged at the last battle and Skye’s been working on hacking JARVIS, she’s getting close.”

“She’s always getting close.” Phil scrubbed a hand over his face. “Jemma having any luck with her project?”

“A bit.” Melinda took a sip. “But even if she develops a counter to the super soldier serum, someone would have to get close enough to Rogers to administer it.”

“Clint could have done it.”

May nodded. “He could have.” she reached out a hand and paused before rubbing his shoulder gently.

“I miss him.”

“We all do.” Melinda looked at the wall where there was a picture of Strike Team Delta. “We miss their aim, their heart.”

“Do you know, before, I had always accepted the words collateral damage.” Phil laughed sadly. “They were a part of what we did. And then Captain America came up to me with Clint’s bow and Natasha’s belt and just said sorry, collateral damage, they were good soldiers and at least we won the battle.” Phil took a careful sip of tea, even as he wanted to hurl the cup at the wall. “That was the day I knew, saw, that everything had changed.”

Melinda kept rubbing his shoulder but said nothing. The 2am conversations always followed the same beats. Phil had had the hardest battle accepting how wrong everything had gotten. She had perhaps had the easiest time, but then she always expected the worst out of everything.

Everyone.

Except Phil.

“You couldn’t have seen this coming.” Melinda said, as she always did. “They aren’t evil. It would be easier if they had gone evil.”

“I’m tired.” Phil said.

Melinda was a little surprised. Usually the conversation circled around a little more before they called it quits.

“You don’t sleep much.”

“No.” Phil shook his head. “I’m tired, May. Tired of fighting a losing battle. Tired of waking up sure they’ve found us, figured out what we’re planning. They are getting close to seeing it. To realizing that we aren’t just cleaning up, that we have a larger plan. I’m tired of looking at death tolls and hearing them praise how they saved the day. I watch the Avengers stand there, so proud of saving the world, an entire city destroyed at their feet and they don’t care.” Phil looked at May. “Maybe we should just let them burn it all down.”

“No.” Melinda looked at him. “No. They lost their way, we haven’t. We are SHIELD the last line of defense for humanity. And we hold that line.”

“That line was never supposed to be against the heroes.”

“They stopped being heroes when they didn’t even return Clint’s body, when they stopped helping fix New York, the first time Rogers didn’t help a civilian get out of the way, or when Tony destroyed that shuttle to wipe out that mad scientist and didn’t care about the innocent crew. They stopped being the good guys when they forgot saving the world, meant actually saving the world.” Melinda’s voice was firm. 

“We’re losing May, and it is only a matter of time until we are done, until Bucky, or someone walks in the door and executes us all for sedition.” The Avengers had tried multiple times to infiltrate the last remenants of SHIELD, with occasional success. They had to move every four months and their numbers kept dwindling, slowly, but it was happening.

“Perhaps.” Melinda shrugged.

“That doesn’t concern you.”

“My concern is staying strong for as long as I can, and then a few feet past that.”

“How?” Phil looked at her. Her hair was short these days, he missed the longer length, but she had lost it in a fight against scavengers, protecting food supplies for a community centre in Chicago. “How do you keep going Melinda? I always falter, you never do.”

“I do.” she looked at him. “But just never at 2am. You need me strong at 2am.”

Phil paused. He touched the hand on his shoulder and brought the fingers to his mouth and kissed each one. “When do you need me to be strong for you? Why do you never ask?”

“Because you have enough to deal with. You don’t need to hold me up.” 

“I want to though.” Phil smiled and put the tea cup down. “Come with me.” He held out his hand and was relieved when Melinda took it. They walked through the hallways receiving nods from the guards.

They walked by the lab where Leo and Jemma were hard at work. Leo saw them and started to move towards them, but Jemma saw the linked fingers and flat out tackled him, to give the two senior agents a moment. Phil walked his way through the underground building until he reached a corner of the garage that just looked like a brick wall. He touched a section and door in the false wall opened.

“I know it was weak, but I couldn’t get rid of these things.” Melinda looked around the room. It wasn’t big, but it was cozy. It had things from their old lives, his memorabilia, and instead of a sofa - Lola.

“I thought she was lost.”

Phil shook his head. “I found her when I went into the city for -” he didn’t finish the sentence but Melinda knew the missing words. Phil opened the car door for her and Melinda sat in the front. He turned on some music and came in beside her. He tilted the seats back and hit a button. The lights lowered and stars danced on the ceiling.

Melinda laughed. “Is this a date, Phil?” 

He wasn’t laughing. “If you like.”

Melinda tilted her head and looked at him. “Why now?”

“Because you always wake up at 2am for me.”

“We share a room Phil, not hard to notice.” Rules had people bunking in pairs. It was just safer since the time Ant Man had found them and killed three of their men in their rooms before being immobilized by Simmons. Sleeping two by two meant it more likely that something would be noticed.

“I couldn’t be here without you, Melinda.” Phil stared at the swirling lights. “How many years have we known each other?”

“I think we are both getting a little old for you to actually want an answer.” Melinda brushed her fingers against his and he gripped her tight. “Let’s go long enough to know each other well.”

“How well?” Phil asked.

“Very well.”

“Do you know when I fell in love with you?” Phil traced his thumb over her knuckles, feeling where every break had happened. How many times had they patched each other up? How many times had they made each other whole?

“No.” Melinda admitted. “I know when I fell in love with you.”

“Knowing us, it was probably the same time, so long ago and we both kept quiet, focused on the job.”

“Saving the world doesn’t leave a lot of dating time.” Melinda quoted. It was something Phil had said once, after a break up with a civilian

“We seem to be managing right now.” Phil edged as close as the awkward space would allow. “I would be yours, if you would allow it.”

“Phil, you’ve always been mine, and I’ve been yours. Since those of us left decided to take down the Avengers before they left nothing of the planet. Since Fury gave us the Bus, since Bahrain. Since the day in the Academy you spilled coffee on me and asked me not to kill you.”

“You telling me I could have gotten lucky 25 years ago? Talk about cock blocking myself.” 

“I don’t know. I think we’ve been pretty lucky to have each other as long as we have.” It was Melinda’s turn to kiss his fingers. “You have any booze in here?”

“Some Haig.” Phil winked. “Always kept some, just in case.”

She sighed a little. “That was a different world.”

“You and I aren’t so different. We’re the steady sort.” Phil kissed her gently and got out of the car to get the bottle. He brought it into Lola and handed Melinda a glass. As he cracked the seal, the alarm went off.

Phi rested his head against the wheel of the car for just a moment. Melinda leaned over and hugged him. “Wait, maybe it isn’t that bad.”

Skye’s voice came over the speaker system. “They fixed the bifrost - Thor has returned to the planet. He’s fighting with Captain America against Doctor Doom in Paris. They are just frying the city. Quinjet ready in 30.”

“It took us a year to destroy that, and they fixed it in 2 months.” Phil banged his head against the wheel.

“We’ll get through.” Melinda promised.

“In stories, this is where one of us dies you know.” Phil kept his eyes closed. “The two old war horses make a grand declaration - one of us dies to motivate the other to win the day.”

“Phil, there is no winning this, just enduring and saving those we can.” Melinda kissed his shoulder. “And like hell some pissant god is taking either of us out before we get that drink.”

Phil raised his head. “No.” he cracked the seal and took a slug and handed the bottle to Melinda who followed suit. “No, we have our drink. We have our moment. And we promise to come back.” He kissed her desperately. “I fell in love with you on a Wednesday. You were doing tai chi and had your hair in a pony tail and the light hit you right and I realized seeing you, it was what made my day better, made my day possible. You moved your hands and I just...I trust your fingers more than anything else in the world.”

Melinda smiled at him. “I fell in love when I saw you kill three men with a stapler.”

“That seems very us.” He put the bottle down and got out of the car. Melinda knew Phil enough to indulge him and wait for him to come around to open her door. He held out a hand and she took it. They went to the door and Phil paused. He kissed her quietly. “I don’t want today to be our end.”

Melinda leaned into him gently. “It won’t be.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Okay then.” Phil straightened his shoulders and they walked out the room. They met everyone by the quinjet. Phil looked at the small group. “As usual our first priority is civilians, try to save as many people as you can. If you have a shot to take out Thor or Captain America, take it. Simmons has a serum, it isn’t perfected, but should at least do some serious damage. But don’t let them see you. Stark has almost caught on to what we’ve been trying to do, we need to keep our guard up.”

“Sir, at least 3 neighbourhoods are just gone.” Skye was looking at her tablet. “By the time we get there, I don’t know how much will be left.”

“We go in, save what we can, fight what has to be fought.” Phil stated. “Let’s go.”

Everyone got on the jet and Melinda went to the cockpit. Phil talked with every individual checked over weapons and plans, and listened to Skye’s reports before making his way up to the cockpit. He just stood there and watched the sky, arms crossed. When they got close he could see Thor’s lightning. Phil didn’t say a word, just put a hand on May’s shoulder and squeezed tight. She kept her hands on the controls but Phil caught the edge of her smile.

The city below them burned as the superheroes fought their battle. Phil took a deep breath. Melinda nodded and they got to work.

Maybe today was going to be the day they saved the day.

He doubted it. 

But they would try and if they were lucky, they’d get a second drink. 

They’d have enough time for Melinda’s hair to grow long again, and for his to thin some more.

They’d have time to hold hands in Lola.

Time to say all the words that sat between them.

Time.

Just time before it all ended.

It wasn’t so much to ask.


End file.
